


Strawberries and cigarettes

by artsyleo



Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Extended Metaphors, First Kiss, Fluff, Kid Fic, Light Angst, M/M, Self-Acceptance, Soulmates, basically just one big metaphor abt how they literally are soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-27
Updated: 2020-04-27
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:40:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23880070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/artsyleo/pseuds/artsyleo
Summary: “Ain’t got a lighter have you, mate?”Callum flinched when an unfamiliar voice came from behind him, He turned as much as he could without falling off the wall, to look at the man now standing there. He was short, maybe a year or so younger than Callum, but intimidating looking, with a beaten black leather jacket and what looked from there like a cut just above his lip. His hair was messy and brown, and a hearing aid hung from one ear.“Oh, yeah, sure,” Callum said, taking the little lighter Lee had given him (fuck knew why) from his pocket and holding it out for the other boy, who hopped onto the wall next to him.-Or- they're soulmates, change my mind.
Relationships: Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell
Comments: 8
Kudos: 66





	Strawberries and cigarettes

**Author's Note:**

> okay disclaimer - this kinda doesn't fit with their ages in the show, but we're gonna ignore that for the sake of fluff, but in the kid part callum is 18 and *the guy* is 17.
> 
> Also I highly recommend you listen to strawberries and cigarettes by troye sivan while reading this bc that's what inspired this fic.

“Come on man, you’re leaving tomorrow. It’s one night, our last night, just- let’s do something crazy, yeah?”

Callum sighed. Lee had been trying to convince him for half an hour to go to this party with him, and he could start to feel his self-restraint weaning. It was, admittedly his last night at home before he got shipped out for recruit training with the army, and he had no clue when he’d next see anyone. He didn’t exactly fancy spending the evening with his dad, who would almost certainly be drunk already, and Lee was his best friend. It was the one thing that made him want to send that letter right back to the army recruitment office and pull out. Sure, he was terrified, but let’s face it- his dad was right. He didn’t exactly have many more options- he wasn’t all that smart or skilled with his hands, and he wasn’t brave enough for the fire service or police force. Plus, this way, he could at least attempt to make his dad proud of him.

But Lee had been his best friend for years- the Carters had practically brought him up when his dad couldn’t (or was too busy down the pub to care) and had been so kind to him over the years. Him and Lee had gotten on like a house on fire since the start, and he had stuck by Callum’s side through everything, even though he wasn’t exactly the most attentive person- he was anxious, a lot of the time, and jumpy, and not all that good at sport, but Lee never really seemed to care, which made a change from the rest of the people in his life.

“You know what- fine. It’ll be fun, and besides- not like I’m gonna get much chance to go out partying where I’m going, is it?” Callum laughed, smiling at the triumphant look on Lee’s face.

“Quite the contrary, my friend. I’ve heard that army guys get all the birds over there,” Lee replied, and that stung just a little.

See, that was the one thing he’d never told Lee- the one thing he’d never told anyone but his bedroom mirror at 2am. There was clearly something wrong with him, because he’d never liked girls the way that Lee did, or any of the boys his age. But he couldn’t say anything to anyone- he couldn’t admit that his dad had been right in all those things he’d called him when he was drunk-

“Anyway, whatever gets you out that door and to that party, ey? Now go get changed, we gotta go!” Lee grinned, oblivious to the turmoil in his friend’s head.

-

Callum had never really liked parties all that much. Lee had dragged him to one or two in the past, and they were all the same- too loud, too busy, too bright. But he swallowed that down in favour of seeing Lee’s smile when they walked into the party together- it was the least he could do, before he abandoned him for the army.

A loud boy, not much older than him and Lee, came up to them, clapping Lee on the shoulder. Anyone with eyes at this point could see that the boy was on his way to blind drunk, which meant that this party would involve alcohol- that sent an extra shot of anxiety through Callum. He’d never had a drink in his life, thanks to too many close calls with his dad. Yet, maybe tonight-

“Lee Carter!” the drunk boy shouted. “You’ve brought a guest?”

Lee laughed, throwing an arm around Callum. “My man Callum here, last night on this side of London. Ships out with the forces tomorrow, don’t ya?”

Callum nodded shyly, and the other boy threw an arm around him, dragging him into the throes of the party. “Best make it one to remember then, Callum!”

Callum laughed nervously, making sure Lee was following behind him.

-

He’d spent the whole party following Lee around like a lost puppy, yet right now, he just felt lonely. The party wasn’t all that bad, not when he’d got a good buzz going, but now the punch tasted more like vaguely fruit-flavoured piss, and the music was just the wrong side of too loud. Lee had introduced him to so many people this evening it felt like all their names had blurred together, which could well have been the effects of the alcohol he’d consumed, but either way he was fed up and lonely now.

“I’m gonna get some air,” Callum shouted over the sounds of the party once he’d found Lee. The other boy looked at him with concern in his eyes, but nodded anyway, clapping him on the shoulder. He moved away from the noise of the house towards the guy’s garden. There were still people out here, and a suspicious smell of pot, but the music was quieter and there was a low wall at the back of the garden looking out. He wandered over there and hiked himself up onto the wall, and for the first time that evening it felt as though he could actually breathe. The field behind the house was completely empty, with a line of huge oak trees at the bottom. The sun was just starting to clip the tops of them, turning the sky into a sea of oranges and reds. Even without the buzz of alcohol in his veins he could appreciate how beautiful it was. This was the kind of thing that he wanted, more than any party anyone could throw- without all of the noise, and sweaty people rubbing too close to each other. But he knew he had to do this for Lee, tonight of all nights, because Lee had done everything for him.

He knew that what happened with his dad wasn’t exactly a secret with the Carters, yet Lee hadn’t thought less of him because of it. He hadn’t called Callum weak, or told him just to face it, he’d understood. He’d never laughed when Callum flinched away from an argument. He hadn’t even gotten cross when he’d had to help Callum through his first panic attack, well over a year ago now (and there had been plenty since). Sticking it out through a party on his last day in the country was the least Callum could do.

Yet, he couldn’t even last through that. Because no matter how much Lee had been by his side over the past week, he still felt so desperately lonely. This time tomorrow, he would be in a completely different country, leaving behind everything that he knew. He wouldn’t have a Lee in the army- he’d have to learn to stand up for himself instead. If he had a panic attack, he’d have to learn how to deal with it himself. He was finally being forced into the real world- and Callum was terrified.

“Ain’t got a lighter have you, mate?”

Callum flinched when an unfamiliar voice came from behind him, He turned as much as he could without falling off the wall, to look at the man now standing there. He was short, maybe a year or so younger than Callum, but intimidating looking, with a beaten black leather jacket and what looked from there like a cut just above his lip. His hair was messy and brown, and a hearing aid hung from one ear.

“Oh, yeah, sure,” Callum said, taking the little lighter Lee had given him (fuck knew why) from his pocket and holding it out for the other boy, who hopped onto the wall next to him. He lit the cigarette and took a deep drag, before blowing the smoke into the sky, and offering it to Callum. He hesitated, ready to deny it, but really- who was he kidding? He took the cigarette from the other boy and lifted it to his own mouth, taking a drag, before coughing at the bitter taste of smoke in his mouth. The boy smirked at him and took the cigarette back.

“First time?” he said with a smile, putting the cigarette back between his lips. “Guessing you don’t like parties all that much either then?”

Callum smiled a little, before shaking his head. “Not here for me. I’m leaving tomorrow, and my best friend wanted me to come.”

“That explains why you’re sat, staring into the sky, alone then?”

Callum sighed. That, he couldn’t quite explain, not to a stranger, in the space of a few minutes. He looked back at the stranger, and was caught out for a minute. The light had just begun to lower, to the extent that his face was lit up by the sun just gently. It made his piercing blue eyes sparkle just subtly, making him undeniably beautiful.

“You’re really pretty,” Callum said before he could stop himself, blaming the alcohol that ran through his veins. But- he still didn’t retract it. It was true, and he had very little left to lose now. The boy looked shocked for a minute, before his eyes fell to Callum’s lips.

“You ain’t half bad yourself, mate,” the boy said, a cocky smirk painted across his face. “Pretty eyes.”

Callum could feel the blush involuntarily burn it’s way up his cheeks at that- no one had ever called him pretty before, not really. A few drunken girls had called him handsome earlier on in the night, but he’d quickly shrugged them off, not wanting the attention. Yet, this felt different- maybe it was the words, or the alcohol burning through him (even though he’d hardly drunk much all night), or maybe it was the boy sat across from him, staring at him with this intense look in his eyes, but he’d never wanted to hear anything more than the boy calling him pretty, every day of the rest of his life. He never wanted to escape from under the other boy’s intense gaze, one that intermittently flicked between his eyes and his lips, tentatively, yet with an air of confidence. He’d never wanted to kiss someone more than right then, right there.

Before he could properly register it, there was another set of soft lips on his, and he lost all ability to think. The boy (Callum realised then that he’d never asked his name, fuck) pressed his deceptively soft lips against Callum’s gently, breath from his nose tickling the skin of his face. When Callum evidently didn’t respond quick enough, the boy pulled away slightly, his eyebrow raised, but Callum pushed back in, the other boy’s hand coming up to caress his cheek, and fuck. This time it felt more intense, a harder press between their lips. He tasted like something sweet, like the strawberry alcohol he’d smelt on Lee earlier, and cigarette smoke from the minute before. He tasted like promise, and like a life Callum knew he would never get- if this is what it felt like to kiss a boy, why was it so wrong? If only he didn’t have to please his dad- if only he wasn’t leaving tomorrow for a new life, a world he didn’t know-maybe then he could be sat here, kissing this boy forever, feeling the softness of his lips against his own, and hearing his gentle, panting breaths. Right there, it felt like his own little bubble- nothing could spoil the peace and pure rightness of that moment. But Callum knew, of course, that this would just be his last bit of rebellion- a torturous look into what could have been if he wasn’t so scared.

Eventually, though, even that had to come to an end.

The other boy’s lips pulled gently away from his own, panting soft breaths against his cheek. The boy had this look on his face, like something akin to the war inside Callum’s head was also trapped in his- bewilderment and disbelief that something like this, something so taboo, could possibly feel so right. Callum wondered somewhere in his mind if the boy was in the same position as him- had heard the same words from his own family that Callum had, but that sent a shot of desperation through Callum- he didn’t even know this guy, but he couldn’t bear to imagine the pain and fear he’d felt over the years cloud the other boy’s ocean eyes.

Before Callum could say anything to the other boy, a voice from behind shattered this alternate reality he’d found himself in.

“Callum?” Lee called, his voice slightly slurred with alcohol, but not to a dangerous level. “Y’alright, mate?”

He could just see Lee coming around the corner, and felt panic grip at him- this was supposed to be his own private universe, something for just him and the mysterious other boy to share. He couldn’t let Lee see him. Just as he was about to tell the other boy this, he turned back and there was no sight of him- the only evidence that he’d been there at all were the scuff marks on the wall, and the lighter that now lay alone on the rough brick. The other boy had disappeared into the night, leaving just the taste of him on Callum’s lips, and the memory of his blue eyes burnt into Callum’s retinas.

-

“Wait, that was your first kiss?”

Callum smirked at the disbelief in his boyfriend’s voice- it was one of the most romantically reckless things he’d done in his life, so unlike him now. His face was burning up, which is why he had it hidden in Ben’s neck. He’d never told that story to anyone before- whether for the sake of his own self-respect, or out of respect for the universe of what-ifs him and the mystery boy had made that night, he wasn’t quite sure. When Ben had asked about his first kiss, he’d been hesitant to share the story, but it felt right, somehow- Ben was the person that Callum wanted to share the most intimate parts of himself with, and this was something buried deep in his heart. It was maybe the first and only time he’d let himself accept that he was gay before Chris- it was a moment of acceptance for the person that he’d thought he could never be. Oh, how the tables had turned, though, Callum thought, clutching his boyfriend tighter at the mere thought.

“Oh my God,” Ben said, with a shocked little laugh. Confused, Callum pulled his head out of Ben’s shoulder so that the other man could read his lips.

“What?” Callum asked, a smile creeping it’s way onto his face.

“Callum, that guy you met that night,” Ben said, disbelief tinting his voice. “That was me.”

Callum felt like he should have been more shocked by that admission, but it felt like a puzzle piece just slotting into place. H recalled the memory, and yes, now he could see it- a young, perhaps more innocent Ben shone through so much in the memory of the boy from that night. He couldn’t quite believe it, yes, but it just- it made sense. Callum had never particularly subscribed to the idea of soulmates- he’d always believed that love was just what you made of it, whatever form that came in. But- maybe there was something more than that with him and Ben. That night, sat on the wall with the younger boy, he’d dreamed of a life he’d convinced himself he couldn’t have; in that moment, he had let himself believe that he was worthy of all of that. When he’d imagined it, he’d imagined a universe for just himself and the boy, just them alone, without the pressure of everyone else riding against them.

So, maybe it wasn’t so crazy that one day he’d make it back to that universe. Maybe it wasn’t so insane that whoever was above had given him that moment- like a beacon, this is what you could have if you just old on. Maybe it wasn’t so unbelievable that the one person that he’d begun to imagine that universe with, all over again, was the one person that had helped to build it in the first place.

Except now, he could let himself live there, in that perfect little universe, forever.

**Author's Note:**

> okay this is basically another one that was written at midnight when I was sad and overwhelmed which is exactly when I get metaphorical so excuse the messy metaphors :)   
> this is the most fluffy thing I think I've ever written and I have no regrets, let me know what you think! hope you enjoyed.  
> leo (artsy-highway on tumblr) <3


End file.
